Martin Firstbrook
BA (Hons), PgDP, MBACP (Accred)
 

Relationships matter deeply. Precisely because of this, they have a way of exposing our vulnerabilities, longings and patterns - including parts of ourselves that may be much less visible elsewhere in our lives.

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When relationships become difficult, it is rarely helpful to think of one person as simply being "the problem." More often, couples become caught in patterns where each person's reactions make sense from their own perspective, but together create cycles of conflict, withdrawal or disconnection that can become increasingly difficult to escape. When trust has been damaged, this can be particularly painful and destabilising.

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I start from the perspective that relationship difficulties, while painful, can also become opportunities for greater understanding - of yourself, your partner and the dynamics that shape how you relate. This work is not about assigning blame or deciding who is right. It is about slowing things down enough to notice what keeps happening between you, what each of you brings to those moments, and what might need to change.

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Working together, I help each of you understand your own patterns of thinking, feeling and responding, and how these interact with your partner's. The aim is not to eliminate difference or smooth over every disagreement, but to become better able to understand and tolerate your differences, take responsibility for your own responses, and remain in genuine dialogue when things become difficult.

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Alongside exploring what lies beneath recurring conflicts or disconnection, sessions are often practical and grounded in what is happening between you in real time. This may involve working with live moments of tension, experimenting with different ways of speaking or listening, and noticing how each of you responds under emotional pressure. Often it is through these moments that new ways of relating begin to develop.

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How the work is structured

Most of our work takes place together as a couple. At times, I may also suggest an individual session with each of you where this would help us understand your personal history, emotional responses or relationship patterns more fully. These sessions remain part of the couples therapy and are used to support the work we are doing together.

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I do not take sides, although this does not mean avoiding difficult questions or treating every situation as though both partners are equally responsible. My role is to help each of you develop greater awareness and responsibility for your own contribution to the relationship, while becoming more able to understand your partner and make conscious choices about how you respond to one another.

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Getting started

Beginning couples therapy takes courage,  particularly when things feel raw or uncertain. If you'd like to find out more before committing to anything, you're welcome to get in touch with any questions via WhatsApp or email.  If you decide to move forward, I offer an initial consultation so that I can understand your situation better and we can get a sense of whether working together feels like the right fit.

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